Author Topic: the rules of football  (Read 2146 times)

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Offline Tom Bainbridge

  • Posts: 1009
  • Limey Carpenter
the rules of football
« on: April 20, 2008, 11:22 AM »
well..................  our national games are called football

the americans carry odd shaped balls with their hands only.... so they have to borrow rugby players to kick the ball.............. its enshrined in american law...................

us customs and imigration are required to check the players dna to ensure they arnt american

they also like to import their fans from mexico and crowd control is done with chear leaders to encourage the mexicans to wave a lot (good looking girls with few clothes on isnt difficult for any man to understand)

the english export their fans to the eu and employ use german and italian riot police for crowd control at home they just fight 

the rest of the world confuses americans by playing football with their feet with round balls, and we have nets to catch the ball when the goal keeper is asleep

im america chear leaders play football and use nets to catch the the ball while they are checking their make up 

the RFU (rugby football union) in england play rugby.................  BUT they call it football.............. that way they can legally kill frenchmen .................

there are of course penalties in rugby..... if you fail in your patriotic duty to kill a frenchman but only give them a black eye or draw blood you get put in the sin bin for not being bad enough...........

rugby fans drink lots and lots of beer and sing songs like swing low sweet chariot then use rude hand gestures for the second line

on the field however the ref has told the two teams to kiss and make up........... so lots of group hugs.......... (its the same for american and english football teams) but then try to kill each other again

not to be left out.............. the welsh make it even more difficult, they dont play football, they call it rugby and beat everyone

the australians are also in on the act............ (football or rugby)  they use a ball as an excuse to beat the living daylights out of each other 

the irish, not wanting to miss out,  they dont bother with an excuse........... the ball is too small to see so they just beat each other to death with sticks

the kiwis are BIG guys, they look wild, have tattos, do a war dance first, leave their weapons at home AND STILL flatten everybody

in japan (of course) its a bit different their body armour is so big they can only get two guys on the field
Bromley, Kent. UK

aka dirtydeeds

Offline Bob Swenson

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  • Posts: 184
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2008, 12:12 PM »
And they all yell "kiss my chuddies"   as the rozzers cart them away  ::)
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 12:16 PM by Bob Swenson »

Offline poto

  • Posts: 408
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2008, 03:01 PM »
DD - I can't believe you left out hockey, in which men with no teeth use long sticks to beat each other to death, while the puck (rubber formed into a squat cylinder as hard as rock) sits idly by. I believe there might be drinking involved... Sadly, however, the fact that it's played during winter, on ice, has limited the effectiveness of near-naked cheerleaders  :'( :'(

Offline colinw

  • Posts: 111
  • Bourbonnais IL 60914
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2008, 08:18 PM »
The Only game football DD (football played with the feet as opposed to the hands)


Offline Eli

  • Posts: 2501
  • A Yankee in Kangaroo Court
    • Metafizix
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2008, 06:49 AM »
UNLESS you live in Victoria, then it's called 'footy'. Still not a round ball, punched as often as kicked or bounced every few metres, an oval field, a set of triple goalposts and nowhere better observed than on the grounds of The MCG. Too darn cold for cheerleaders. Off field antics are front page. 32 is almost retirement age. Can't really tell what the score is someitmes, best thing to do is drink at the fence and yell out "You Blind Bastard!", or "In the back!" occasionally. Not really sure when it ends either, just wait for the horn and join in on your team's song if they won. ;D

I almost hit a 'roo on the drive home tonight. Silly bugger jumped right at me.
Do nothing, stay ahead.

Offline jonny round boy

  • Posts: 3227
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2008, 07:47 AM »

I almost hit a 'roo on the drive home tonight.

darn, Eli - you need to improve your aim! ;D
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Offline The Woodentop

  • Posts: 238
  • Buxton, England
Re: the rules of football
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2008, 09:13 AM »
A game to be avoided! Along with all team sports if you ask me. Is there a point??
Never assume you know....only know you know