Funny Things Customers Say

Stephen B

Stephen B

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May 6, 2013
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Many FOG members work in areas that involve direct customer conversations. What are some funny/satirical things customers have said to you and you would like to share.

To start -

Today (Sunday AEST), in the Hardware/TY I assisted a young woman in selecting appropriate hinges for a heavy door. Later it was reported with much humour, that when paying she said to a young staff member,
[size=14pt] "I enjoy being serviced by older men, they are much more experienced!"
 
When I was framing the walls for a finished basement I had all my framing tools out including my 8 foot level for plumbing the walls. The customer comes down to check out the project and sees me using the 8 foot level and says, wow yours is much bigger than my husbands.
 
One of my customers recently asked me "any chance of a discount"....true story!!
 
A couple recent comments customers have made about me
- He really doesn't paint any sunshine does he?
- You really are a picky bastard
- I'd love to hire you but our company doesn't actually want the good type of work you do, we prefer the basics
- I don't know anything about this but if you say that trim installed like that would drive you crazy then I want it changed
 
Are you telling me that the dust goes through the sander

and into that vacuum cleaner?

I nod in the affirmative. :)

His wife was amazed at the lack of dust after sanding their
front door.

Festool rocks!
 
In my previous life as a retail cabinet installer for the big boxes, we often heard " I'm not paying $ xxx  , you did the job too fast!!! "

My response, (meant as a joke) " ok, I'll take down some cabinets and return tomorrow and finish up (again).

To my astonishment, one customer took me up on the offer!!  No more off hand jokes.
Dan
 
Large basement job I recently completed, had about a good 30-35 added days in design complications, added work, unforseen complications, trades/materials delays, etc.

At the end when they were complaining about the length of time the job went over and I explained all of the extra stuff that added the time, they said " We didn't realize that the additional  work would require additional time???!"

Had many other clients say things like: "I don't even make that much" when presented with the hourly cost of time and materials jobs.  That's when you tell them, "I'm sorry mr or ms homeowner, you have obviously mistaken an hourly wage with the cost of doing business - they are not one in the same..."

JT
 
The other day, I was re-explaining how the Festool system works and my one and only customer, the wifey, came in and said "sure is a nice package you got there" ... right in front of my mom and dad. 

Laughs were had by all... except my red-faced wife.

 
I'll turn this one around 180 degrees.

My oldest dog Goldie Hawn started having seizures last night, and today while I was at the vet I noticed the concerned look on his face while looking at her. 

Me:  You have a concerned look on your face.

Him:  Yes.  When I see something wrong with a pet I am concerned.  If not I should be a mechanic.

Me:  I appreciate your honesty and concern.  Thank you and please take care of my baby girl.

 
Peter Halle said:
I'll turn this one around 180 degrees.

My oldest dog Goldie Hawn started having seizures last night, and today while I was at the vet I noticed the concerned look on his face while looking at her. 

Me:  You have a concerned look on your face.

Him:  Yes.  When I see something wrong with a pet I am concerned.  If not I should be a mechanic.

Me:  I appreciate your honesty and concern.  Thank you and please take care of my baby girl.
Click to expand...

Trust all will be well?

 
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Customer at work this morning AEST -
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"Yes, I am after a new circular saw, are any of these here silent?!"
 
Once had a customer that wanted some work done but didn't have all the details. I told her that I would do the job based on time and materials. Keep in mind that this is NOT a dumb blonde...she's an executive VP!

She said "So how much will that be?"

I said "$XX per hour, and however much the materials cost."

She said "No, I mean how much will the whole job cost?"

[huh]

I finally got more information from her, wrote up a detailed proposal, and gave her a 'Not To Exceed' price on top of the T&M cost. I think I ended up being within 10% of my 'Not To Exceed' price when we were done.

I also don't know if I would have spent the time to do the detailed proposal had she not been a good customer in the past, and likely to give me the work.

Sigh...  Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
 
wow said:
Keep in mind that this is NOT a dumb blonde...she's an executive VP!
Click to expand...

The two are NOT mutually exclusive!

Did a kitchen with Roadkilled (Jon) a few weeks ago. He'd had problems getting the clients to make a firm decision on anything, and very nearly walked away from the job. We knew to expect some 'issues' when we arrived.

We get there to rip the old kitchen out, and all the cupboards were empty as requested, but the integrated fridge and freezer were both stacked. Jon told her it would all need to be emptied, and she looked at him like he'd asked her to remove her own head.

"I can't empty it, I've only just filled it. I knew we wouldn't have a cooker while you did the kitchen so I've stocked up on microwave meals". We then had to explain to her that we couldn't remove the old kitchen without dismantling the fridge housing...

Then, later on whilst we were removing the old sink, she asked how long she'd be without a sink for. Jon told her a few days, as he'd told her on one of his many design visits. "Oh... how am I going to wash up without a sink?"

I think she thought we could just make it levitate, and work around it!
 
Saturday Morning in an Australian Timber Yard.
Always some 'interesting' customers.

Today a customer pulls out a 42X18X5400mm  MDF Moulding. He eye balls it, slides it back in the rack; pulls out another one, eye balls it and then slides it back. Then he pulls out a third, and asks "are any of these going to be straight!"  To which I reply "I'm sure it will be when you install it Sir!" 

"You mean 'I' have to make it straight!"  [eek]

What nearly made me start to laugh was the face of the Professional Builder waiting patiently close by and behind the customer.  [big grin]

_________________________________[size=8pt]

For the very few FOG members who don't get it, MDF in this dimension and length flexes every which way!

 
Untidy Shop said:
Saturday Morning in an Australian Timber Yard.
Always some 'interesting' customers.

Today a customer pulls out a 42X18X5400mm  MDF Moulding. He eye balls it, slides it back in the rack; pulls out another one, eye balls it and then slides it back. Then he pulls out a third, and asks "are any of these going to be straight!"  To which I reply "I'm sure it will be when you install it Sir!" 

"You mean 'I' have to make it straight!"  [eek]

What nearly made me start to laugh was the face of the Professional Builder waiting patiently close by and behind the customer.  [big grin]

_________________________________[size=8pt]

For the very few FOG members who don't get it, MDF in this dimension and length flexes every which way!
Click to expand...
  Yes, yes it does.....  Unreal..... [embarassed] [embarassed] [embarassed]
 
Assisting a Grandfather customer accompanied by his approx. 4 year old Granddaughter.

As we load a flat pack cabinet into the back of his ute, the Grandfather comments on how heavy it is. I reply "Yes it's amazing how heavy saw dust and Formaldehyde  can become".

"Grand Dad, what's fo - mid - i - d?
 
Received a blocked # Call from a new customer for my gutter business.

Gave the price to clean the gutters she said great let's book it.

. She was hesitant at first to give her address but finally told me

I asked for her phone number-" I don't give out personal information line that"
I asked for her email- same response

ok how are we going to contact you to schedule the job? 

Her response just give me a day next week and I will call you at 8:30 to see if you are going to come. What if I don't pick up? Well you can keep  driving  by my house during the day and if you see I'm home do the job.

Yeah this isn't going to work out for us, best if you try a different company.  She got pissed and hung up.

 
I was building a fireplace and chimney. I had finished all the inside work; but had not yet installed the damper flap into the damper.  The chimney, therefore, was open to any conversations going on where I was working from the scaffolding.  If I wanted anything from my helper, who was working only at ground  level, I yelled.  If he had any questions, he yelled back to me.  We were  both sarcastic types and we had the same type of humor.  A lot of the yelling was passed back and forth with a bitter tone even tho we were both having fun.

At one point, my helper had to go insde the house.  The lady of the house commented, "How in the world can you work for a man like that?"  My helper just shrugged and replied, "His bark is worse than his  bite."

At noon time, the two of us were  sitting in the house as the husband walked in expecting lunch of his own.  He yelled, "Hey Woman, where the h--- is my lunch? What have you been doing all day?"

My helper and I just busted out laughing. 
Tinker
 
One of my very best friends, also one of my most influential mentors was a farmer.  Also, in the days i knew him (God rest) he was the town prosecutor. This was back when every township had their own court system. So my friend, David knew a lot of what was happening in, not only his town, but just about anything that was happening in the county.  He had many close friends and was a great guy to do business with.

One of his friends was a local, and very well liked cattle dealer. Jake was a very sharp man when it came to judging cattle and he seldom came out on the short end. One day, he did come up short, not as a judge of cattle, but in his assessment of the customer.  Evidently, the customer had not paid a bill of considerable size.  My friend Dave knew all about that deal, possibly from court records or from local gossip.

Dave and Jake were walking along a sidewalk in a neighboring town when Jake met the man who had wronged him.  He immediately struck up a very friendly conversation with the man, patting him on the back and asking him all about his family and never mentioning anything to do with animosity.  Finally, with a great deal of friendliness, the man departed. As he was disappearing along the street, David asked, "Didn't he just do you out of a lot of money?" 

"That he did."

"How can you be so friendly to him?"

"Ah ha! That is easy.  So long as he lives, I will have  my chance." 

Tinker
 
I get many requests for a 1/4" diameter flush trim router bit (bearing on the shank) with a 1/4" shank.
 
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