Santa Claus from an Engineer's Perspective

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Since none of us would be on this site if we didn't appreciate the finer aspects of engineering, I thought you might enjoy this:

Santa Claus: An Engineer's Perspective

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 10) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
(according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census)
rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he
travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7
visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household
with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the
sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute
the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been
left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on
to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will
accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about
0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not
counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving
at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses
space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional
reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the
sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets
nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is
carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land,
a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal
amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa
would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting
the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times
the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000
tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second
each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously,
exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms
in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26
thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the
fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa - as a result of accelerating
from a dead stop to 650 m. p. s. in . 001 seconds - would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by
4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and
reducing him to a quivering puddle of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas!

[wink] [bite tongue] [popcorn]

P.S. - this was not originally written by me. I don't know where it came from or I'd happily give credit. I modified it to make it more readable.
 
Very interesting perspective, but it doesn't account for the element of MAGIC.  LOL [big grin]
 
[size=18pt]
Santa is real up until the moment you no longer believe. Christmas is a time I miss my childhood and my parents.
 
I have a favorite true story.
My best friend had passed away during the previous winter, leaving behind a wife and seven children ranging in ages from 3 to 16.  He also left a business for which the contract was to continue for another four months.  I became very involved with the family, a tale too long to relate at this time. The man died in 1963 and i am still on best friend terms with all of the children involved in this little tale.

I had a snow plowing business and one helper who had been with me for several years.  It was Christmas eve and the two of us had been plowing snow for about 24 hours straight. It was close to eleven pm when we decided to take a break form plowing and to stop by the friends house to wish all of the kids and the mother a Merry Christmas. We had been invited to stop by for a bite to eat, an offer neither of us could turn down.  As food was set in front of us, one of the girls, there were three daughters and a couple of teen aged cousins, asked if we had finished our Christmas shopping yet.  They were all well aware of my habit to put shopping off tip the very last minute, A habit they were sure i had exercised to a later hour than usual.  They all knew i had been plowing all nite and thru the day and right up until the hour i had arrived at their doorstep.

OOPS!  Neither one of us had done any of our shopping.  We wolfed down our snacks and headed to Caldor right around the corner.  We made a whirl wind tour of the store, arriving at the checkout counter loaded with unwrapped goodies.  It was just about closing time and impossible to have wrapping fem the sales personnel. We went back to our friends house to do our own wrapping.

All of the children were asking about our presents and who was each one for. Of course, we had only had time to get things for our own families, and nothing for anybody in the household where we were doing all of the wrapping.  As we were finishing up the last of ur presents, one of the teenaged girls asked Butch, my helper if he had gotten anything for his wife.  Now, Butch had only been married for about a month at the time, so i guess he was not familiar with the repercussions of totally forgetting his own wife for Christmas.  My friends face fell and he turned pale. 

There were no stores open at that hour. Before panic was able to take hold, one of the girls suggested she would check under the tree to see if she had anything to donate to save Butch's hide.  Now bear in mind, there were seven children who had, a very short time before, lost their father.  The two cousins were like very close sisters and all had been very deeply affected. This was the very first Chrismas that the family had been without the father.  Immediately, there was a stampede of girls and the mother crashing up the stairs to the tree.  Within minutes they were back with a huge pile of presents for my helper's wife.  The woman and all of the girls knew what were in those packages.  They just sat down and changed every label and Butch left with tears in his eyes.  The young couple had a great Christmas as a result of the generosity of a fine group of teenaged girls who had, a short time earlier, had lost a major part of their own family.
Tinker

Merry Christmas to all of you Foggers and your families

Tinker
 
This Engineer perspective on Christmas explains why God created Architects and Designers so the impossible can become true.
 
that's exactly what my son said just a few days ago but more succinctly.  we're all in the car driving from store to store listening to christmas tunes and all of a sudden he declares:  "SANTA CLAUS IS AN INSULT TO SCIENCE!" 
i'm having a really good laugh, because this just came from an eight year old, until i hear my five year old daughter crying.  so my wife is trying to calm her while he starts spouting all kinds of figures to support his position and i'm cranking up the radio so my daughter won't be exposed to too many of the magic crushing facts.
to his credit, he's now trying to make it up to her by leaving notes in "magic eggs" around the house and swearing that they're from the "real santa"
christmas memories in the making...
i'm already dreading the inevitable inquisition that's bound to come from my young "mr. science" about the meaning of "virgin birth"
 
If my 9 year old could comprehend the logic behind this, then I would have him read this so I don't have to tell him that mom and dad are Santa. For me personally my older brother ruined it for me.  He and I were fighting and he told me Santa wasn't real. I told him he was lying, he then took me to the closet where my parents hid the gifts.  All labeled from Santa so that was the end of it, I was 7 or 8 at the time.
 
When we first moved into our house (the day we were married) there was a fireplace.  that was great, as I often brought home wood from clearing or takedown tree jobs.  i used the fireplace nearly every day from November into May.  eventually, i was ordered by the kids that there could be no fire in the fireplace during Christmas Eve.  Suddenly, sometime in the 70's, there was a fuel shortage and the price of heating oil went sky high.  I decided it was time to convert from fireplace to wood stove.  I tore down the old chimney and built a much nicer fireplace with a much higher opening so I could extend a stove pipe into the damper.  right away, i found out how much cheaper it was to use a stove vs. a fireplace.  We went from five cords of wood to about two.  That was with a very small stove and we could only heat the living rom and kitchen.  that was more than we could do with fireplace.

We were all happy, including the kids.  UNTIL>>> Christmas Eve day, I was suddenly informed that i had to put the fire out and move the stove out of the way for Santa.  that scenario went on for another year or two.  eventually, we upgraded to a bigger stove and for twenty two years, we used only the stove for heat (and sometimes cooking).  thankfully, we had finally sorted out the fireplace priorities for Christmas Eve by the time we put in the larger stove.  that thing weighs around 175 #s. 

Tinker
 
I told my five children if they claimed there was no Santa, or the older ones ruined it for the youngest, there wouldn't be any gifts.  They still claim to believe to this day, although grown, they like getting their presents from Santa.......
 
Really enjoying the stories and comments - keep 'em coming!

Our daughter (now grown) brings a Santa Hat and wears it every year when she hands out the presents, which has been her 'job' since she was about 12. I think it started because she couldn't wait to open her gifts, so we made her hand the gifts out to everybody!

One year Santa brought Carbon Monoxide detectors.

My father (my mother passed away many years ago) had since remarried, and they got one of the carbon monoxide detectors as a gift. This was years ago, LONG before most people even knew what they were. I wasn't sure they'd use it, but I did my best to convince them to plug it in. A couple years later I got a call very early one morning from his wife (I refuse to call her my stepmother because of the negative connotations of that word) saying "You saved our lives!". She went on to tell the story that the CO alarm in the basement had sounded, so they called the fire department and got out of their house.

When the fire department arrived it was determined that the (fairly new) water heater had malfunctioned and was dumping CO into the house. The fire chief told them that it was lucky they were on the upper level and had the alarm, because had they remained sleeping they might never have woken up! The very next Christmas dad's wife gave CO alarms to all of HER children.

The funny twist to this story is that it was my FATHER who said "I think I believe in Santa again!'.

[big grin]

We still have gifts from Santa under the tree, but now they are usually something safety related. This year - Santa let slip - he's bringing the StatGear 48339CS T3 Tactical Auto Rescue Tool:

[attachthumb=1]

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DAX43VG/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

And that is why, dear FOG readers, that I believe there really IS a Santa Claus...
 

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makes some sense...depends how you look at it.
Richard.
(I know there's a Father Christmas - I supposed to be, still, wrapping presents  [unsure] )
Happy Christmas everyone.
 
Just remember.  Nearly all science over the ages has seemed like black magic until they figured it out. ;)
 
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