What are some of the practical jokes you've played on fellow woodworkers?

[Bill Wyko]

When I was a framer, the most common joke was telling the newbie to go get the board strecher. Once they caught on to that one I'd tell them to go get some double headed tico nails. Then I'd show them a joist hanger with a nail driven into both sides and say "It looks like a nail with a head on both ends see the hanger with heads on both sides?" The forman used to get pissed at me for sending the laborers on a wild goose chase. In car Audio our trick is to wait until an installer is screwing a screw from the inside towards the exterior of a car like mounting a TV to the roof. Then we cut the tip of a screw off and put some black putty on the blunt end and stick it to the outside of the car. Now the installer thinks he screwed through the outside of the car.  Terrible, isn't it. ;D Initiation.

 

[Tinker]

When I was a mason contractor, one of my builders was, what i called, a one way practical joker.

One of his favorites with me was when i was laying brick, or block, usually on a fireplace where i needed to be particularly fussy.

As my mud pan had just been filled and i was ready to get going, he would come along with a handful of tar paper (big headed) nails and drop a large handfull into the batch.  it usually meant i had to dump half.  that is, if I was lucky.  sometimes, i had to dump the whole pan.  I let him know in uncertain terms I did not care too much for his sense of humor as he would laugh histerically.

One day as he played his little game, i started to laugh along with him.  At that he seemed to get a little nervous.  He was heade for the roof to get back to his shingling.  a little later, he came back down to fill his nail bag.  I thought it was quite mirthful when he went to reach into the barrel of nails and found a conglomerate mass of nails and slightly hardened mortar.  I think he turned purple with rage.  And my helper and I just laughed.

Anyhow, he never put nails in my mortar again.

I have played practical jokes that were actually very harmless.  i think i have told of one or two here.  I will check later.
Tinker

 

[Tinker]

I just thought of another that was quite funny.  Not on a fellow worker, but on a customer.

I was building an unusual stone fireplace, open on three sides and extending stonework on the three sides in a sort of horseshoe shape clear up to a cathedral ceiling framed with exposed beams.  Because the fireplace was open on three sides and one side was somewhat exposed to expected air currents from the main front door opening into the same room, i designed an unusual throat with a very large and high damper to allow for better draft when the fire was burning.

I had completed all of the inside work and we had cleaned out the entire room so everything was spotless and dustless.  As we were finishing, we heard the owner, an elderly lady, coming thru the front yard with some of her friends.  she wanted to show off her fancy fireplace.  As they came nearer, i told my helper to make himself scarce.  As he disappeared around the corner, I grabbed a broom and climbed up into the chamber, bracing with my feet and shoulders so i would not be seen or fall back down into the opening.

The three elderly ladies were oohing and aahing with great excitement.  At the point i felt their excitement to have reached maximum, i lowered the broom and started sweeping the hearth.  shrieks turned to laughter and the five (three ladies, my helper and I) of us ended up having a round of beers together.  : ;D
Tinker

 

[Bill Wyko]

Nice ones! ;D When I was a framer I used to sit and read a magazine at break time. My boss thought it was funny to nail my magazine to a board and stick it up in the air 20 feet or so. One day he came back from lunch and found his nail babs right next to my magazine with a 16p nail through every hole in the belt and bent over on the other side of the 2x4. We had a better understanding of each other from that point on. ;D

 

[Eli]

As a grip, many, many jokes...... As a carpenter not so many. These aren't all mine and they're spread over a fifteen year period, just so's you don't think I'm a troublemaker ;D

-a chunk of dry ice in an empty water bottle, screw the top on, roll it under a stakebed truck from the other side where the teamsters are having coffee and walk away.
-screwing people's bags down to the stage floor fifteen minutes before they call wrap.
-giving the PA kid with a bad case of monkey butt the green Gold Bond and telling him the more the better.
-sending somebody for the keys to the dolly
-sending someone for focus fluid
-sending someone for a handful of round f-stops
-After several warnings that the makeup and hair ladies are blocking access to the equipment carts with their folding chairs, we hang the chairs from the perms with a long rope. Thirty feet of the ground.
-a set with a fake fireplace is the perfect spot to hang one of those remote controlled fart machines.
-one time we replaced all the tools in somebody's belt with toothbrushes, shoebrushes, and toilet brushes, with washers at the bottom for weight. A grip belt has little slots for everything and a flap to cover the tools so they don't fall out.

You wouldn't believe the comic opportunities offered by a constantly changing buffet of furniture, books, props, and of course people (extras!)

I work mostly alone as a carpenter, but sometimes I hide things from myself just to keep it interesting. One morning I put salt in my coffee just to have a funny little surprise on the drive to work.

 

[Per Swenson]

I worked the High Rise gig for a long time in my youth.

As soon as I figure out how to explain the down right evil stuff that went on

in a literary fashion I am writing a book. I am going to skip these because they are

more like prosecutable offenses then practical jokes.

but Tinker you do bring back memory's.

So, I am layin block on the line, picture 10 block layers in a row 8 foot between them,

where there is your blocks and pan. Laborer walks behind and keeps every body fed.

The Mason to my left is from the old country, is a company man and out of a different hall.

He just plain old decides he don't like me one bit. Nope not at all.

No redeeming qualities did he see in me what so ever.

Besides I was young and fun. 3 days and 40 foot vertical I had enough.

Break time I pulled a coupla buds outa the cooler and took the laborer aside.

I said Frankie I want you to help me out here. When we get back up there and your fillin my pan,

I need you to ask me real loud, how long I have been out of prison.

And I need my partner up there sucked right into the conversation.

Then I gave him his key line, we rehearsed a few times for which way the the little chat could possibly go.

Back to work we went.

The conversation went like this.

Laborer.."so Per, How long you been out of prison?"
Me....      "6 months now Frankie"

Laborer... Man, that was no time at all. What did they actually give ya?
Me...3 to 5, but it only came to 18 months with time served and good behavior.

Laborer.... Good to have ya back man! Bum rap anyway.

My pain in the neck block partner wide eyed took the bait , the hook, sinker ...all of it.

He says to Frankie as human nature dictates he would.....

  "what the heck was he in for?"

Frankie and the punch line.... Attempted murder, 2 years ago he had a pain in the neck block partner, threw him 40 feet off the scaffold.

You don't know Per?

From that day onward for two months I never ran out of beer, coffee, a pleasant hello, a helping hand

and a partner who instantly learned how to work together.

Kid you not.

Per

 

[dltflt]

Per, I new I count on a good story from you.

Tinker no wonder they need so many people to make a movie.  Sounds like a good time.

 

[Tinker]

This one was more like a practical joke a man (mistookenly) pulled on himself.  it could have had far more serious consequences, even tho it gave a bunch of kids a great laugh.

Abie was the local cattle dealer.  He collected good cows that were no longer earning their keep.  Gooder cows that he knew he could make a good dollar with.  real old cows ready for the sausage factory, and so on.  even tho he was looked on as being quite sharp and often referred to as still pinching his first penny, he was not a bad sort of guy.  He did have many stories (and what fellow in his business did not?) of which the following tale became a part of his ever expanding repertoir (sp???)

It was sometime in the early 1940's and artificial insemination had just become a ver valuable asset to the small farmers such as my uncle.  We had always had a questionably good bull to keep our twenty something cow herd of milkers happy.  That small a herd could not produce enough milk to justify the acquasition of a superstar bull.  Sort of a "catch 22" situation.

Anyhow, it did not take long for Uncle to learn the value of sitting down to the kitchen table with a catalogue of great bulls to pick from each time one of his "ladies" became needfull of a good male to put the smile back on her face.  With a short phone call, the deed was arranged and Charlie would very soon appear on the scene with his little black bag (actually a rather heavy thermally cooled container), sterile tube and shoulder length rubber gloves.  He was aimed at the expectant young lady and thereupon performed with utmost precission what he had spent years in universtity to learn.  Hell, for all of his short comings, the 5&10 cent bull never needd an instant of edycatin.

The service worked so well that we decided we no longer required the services of "Old Long Tool" bull and we called old friend, Abie to come take him away.

Upon arrival, Abie backed his high sided truck up to the barn door and dropped the loading ramp to the ground.  he went inside to be introduced to his latest charge who happened to be stanchioned in the last section at the very farthest corner of the barn.  All of the cows, his girlfriends, naturally, were at that hour out in pasture happilly munching away at the finest clover money could grow.

Abie opened the stanchion and encouraged Mr. Bull to back out.  M. Bull would not.  He flat out refused to move.  Abie pushed.  Mr. Bull stood his ground.  Abie tried everything he could think of, but Bull was quite content right where he was standing.  finally. Abie punched him on the nose.  that did attract some attention, but nothing to excite.  Abie finally resorted to kicking the bull on the nose.  after several unfriendly and forceful kicks, the bull decided that time could be wasated in backing out of the stantion.  His problem was right there in front of him.  he tried to charge forward.  Years later, as that old barn sank slowly into the ground for lack of the company of a twenty cow herd and the accomanying activities of so many years past, that end stantion still hung from its very bent iron frame.

After several lunges, the bull decided to finally back out to where he could get a real shot at his tormentor.  as he backed out, Abie took position several feet away on the barn floor.  as the bull turned towards him for a serious charge, Abie ran for his truck and up the ramp.  that angry bull was no more than 8 or 10 feet behind and in full speed charge.  abie disappeared inside the very high sided truck.  As the bull went out of sight within the same box, we suddenly saw Abie clearing the front of the box by a good two or three feet.  he landed on the cap of his truck as my uncle quickly closed up the back of the box.

Abie, as it turned out, was very much ok except for a badly shaken nervous system.  No bruises or broken bones.  The method for trapping a bull within that high sided box truck was well proven to be sfe.  As a bull chased his tormentor into the box, said tormentor would dive out thru the small trap door at the lower front corner of the box and thus make his escape.  the BIG problem this time was: Abie had forgotten to leave that little door open.  As he had realized his mistook, he some how worked up enough energy to somehow scramble up the front (8 foot high all around) side and over the top before the bull could make up the few feet he had been lacking in persuit.  Nobody ever knew how Abie had been able to make that scramble, or jump.  I don't think he knew himself.  If he had jumped, he should have been in the olympics as I thing the record high jump of the day was somewhere around 6-6.

Not really a practical joke story, but it did serve good entertainment for around the table for many years to come.  it is still a family tale, even tho most who partook and/or witnessed are no longer around.  physically, that is.  In spirit.  definitely a YES.
Tinker

 

[Bill Wyko]

You guys are alright in my book. Per, that was great! Gotta love these pranks.

 

[danrush]

Since this happened a couple of decades ago, I hope the statute of limitations has run out.

I was a young gun, fairly new to restaurant work and I had never been in the business end of any food preparation areas .

We were replacing casework in a well known upper end bakery.  While my comrades and I were taking a coffee break, we watched a poor mouse stuck to a sticky trap slowly crawl for freedom, only to give out after great effort.  My cohort decided that the mouse deserved a proper send - off and replaced the groom on a wedding cake on display in the main front window with our new, hapless friend.  The bride didn't seem to mind. 

I was convinced that we were all to be fired at any moment, with many a nervous moment for yours truly... FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS!!!  My diminutive friend may still be dancing with that beautiful bride.

 

[mastercabman]

The best joke i did was probably when i use to work in a restaurant(i know,it's not woodworking),but it's kind of like the"board stretcher"joke.
We had this new guy that was very annoying and no one really liked him.
One day,very busy day,he would not leave me alone,he keep asking "what can i do to help?"I wanted to say,just get away from me,but he just would not.
So i ask him to go the bar and get me a "can of steam"!  so off he goes!        After about 10 minutes,he comes back and says that he can't find it!
I then told him to go back and look again,it's there trust me,right next to the pumpkin juice.          so off he goes again!!!!  didn't see him for at least an hour!!!!!!!!!!    ;D ;D ;D ;D

 

[Bill Wyko]

LMAO Can of steam. If he'd have come back you could have said "Oh I'm sorry, I ment cold steam, it's in the freezer" ;D You gotta love the gullable. As far as the mouse goes, that was shear courage to pull that one off. Bravo.

 

[Scott W.]

Many moons ago when I was in school I was in FFA (Future Farmers of America).
There were always a few "city kids" who joined every year because you get out of some other classes.
If there was a particularly gullible one some one would send them down to the feed mill / hardware to get a load of post holes so we could build some fence.

Scott W.

 

[womackdesign]

It is always nice to replace the Turkey in your friends sandwich with maple veneer,makes it a little crisper. As long is it not curly. Chad

 

[Bill Wyko]

About 19 years ago I was in an alarm training when they asked if anyone had an idea on how to remote start a standard transmission. I said the alarm would have to detect movement, maby through the speedometer cable. A few weeks later I get a box from Alpine with a nice letter saying this was a free prototype of my idea. Of course I was happy they had considered me for testing an Idea I had come up with. For an hour or so I really thought I was the shizz. Then I looked closer at the letter. It was signed by Hugh Janus (Pronounced huge anus). The whole shop was in on this prank. A couple years later I started my own business. I would randomly get calls asking if i stocked the speedo interface module. I got these calls for 15 years from them just screwing with me. So what I did was, I took it to their service department with the origonal "Alpine" box and had the unknowing service tech send it to Alpine for repair. Now they had the embarrasement of alpine saying WTF is this? ??? So now I get to call every once in a while and ask....Do you repair the Alpine Speedo interface module? They usually hang up. ;D This is going on almost 20 years now.

 

[Bill Wyko]

It is always nice to replace the Turkey in your friends sandwich with maple veneer,makes it a little crisper. As long is it not curly. Chad

Brings new meaning to the term "Tough Turkey"

 

[Tinker]

When i was growing up on my uncle's farm, a neighbor who lived in "The City" (short for Nu Yawk) always had friends up for the summer.  we farm kids were always on the lookout for smart assed neophytes who might be ripe for a little educatin'.

One of our favorite tricks was an introduction to the electric fence.  I spent a lot of time working around the cows and so at times i would be wearing rubber knee boots instead of the local custom for kids of going barefoot most of the time.  We had a river dividing the property and, of course, there was a great swimming hole not too far from the barn.  I would watch for kids to go to the swimming hole as it was visible from the barn.  As I would see the either approaching or leaving, I would casually walk out to visit by non-chalantly stepping over the charged wire as i held on to it with one hand.  since i was not grounded, i did not get a heavy jolt.  A slight tingling, maybe, but not a hard jolt.  The newbies would follow suit and as they were bare footed, would let out a yelp and go sky high as they got their surprise.

I would then explain to them that I did not get jolted because of my rubber boots and demonstrate by grabbing tight to the wire.
"Here, you try it with my boots on."

They would then find they could do the same with barely any feeling of the electricity.  I would encourage to really hold on tight and as they increased the hand pressure, I would sneak around behind and put my hands on their back.  : ;D ;D ;D

The other nasty thing we all would do was to get a couple of the city kids to ride out to the hay field with us.  Now, as i mentioned above, we were all used to going barefooted most of the time and the bottoms of our feet were like leather.  A new mown hay field is full of very short and stiff stubbles of grass that can be like hundreds of little drills to bare feet not already toughened up.  As we would arrive at the field, those of us who had been toughened up would jump right off of the wagon while it was still rolling and start running.  Those poor city kids would follow suite.  The only difference was that as soon as they hit the ground, they would let out a yelp of horror as those spikes of hard grass did their job.  By then the wagon was already several feet away and we told them to crawl on over to the wagon.  Problem was, that sharp grass did not care whether it was the tender palms, knees or feet.  It was all the same.

Ah, the lessons there were to learn, but it was far more fun to teach.  ;D ;D ;D
Tinker

 

[Tinker]

Since I have had my woodshop, i have worked pretty much alone.  No chance for practical jokes on myself.  however, I do have one story of a practical joke that went all wrong.  I happened to have been at the very wrong end of this one.

It was in ninth grade and the school had a woodshop class.  a lot of kids got into such classes for easy grades and could care less about learning anything.  i was more serious and tried to learn all I coulld, and helped out wherever somebody needed a hand.  i took the classes very seriously.

My shop teacher had made a wooden salad bowl during one of his night class demonstrations and asked if, since my project for the week had been completed, I would sand down the bowl in preparation for a finish.  As I was sanding, one of the idiot kids came by and jacked up the lathe speed to its top notch.  As the bowl reached top speed, i yelled at the kid to quit fooling around, wherupon He jacked the speed back down to slowest speed.  the sudden changes in rotation speed were just too much for the thin wooden bowl.  One pice flew across the room and thru the glass window of the entrance door.  A second piece went into the ceiling.  the third managed to locate my face and the bounced back thru the window at the back side of the lathe.  I was somewhat of a bloody mess, but was quite the main attraction of the day as they carried me out to the ambulance right as school was let out for the day. 

I ended up with something like 200 of the removable stitches on the outside of my face, lips and nose.  The doctor told me I had even more of the disolvable type inside my nose and mouth.

Practical jokes don't always follow the expected patterns hoped for, but I, atleast that time, survived.  Of course, I do have some funny tales to tell about my stay in the hospital, but will save those for another OFF TOPIC session later.
Tinker 

 

[HowardH]

This happened to my brother when we both got summer jobs at the Dresser Magcobar plant (oilfield equipment) in W. Houston many years ago.  My brother, see, isn't the most mechanically inclined (he can change a light bulb pretty well but not a lot more) and on the first day, one of the old vets asked him to go find the left handed monkey wrench. He spent two hours asking everyone in the shop where was that particular wrench and each guy he would ask was in on the gag and would send him to someone else.  Finally, someone he asked didn't know the gag and told him there wasn't any such animal.  Those guys laughed the rest of the day.

My shop foreman there was an old oil well field hand and he had a boss when he was still working in the field he didn't particularly care for.  His boss was always giving him hell so he figured out a plan to get even.  He knew when his boss returned home on the weekends that his wife would clean out the car for him.  My boss threw a pair of panties and bra on the rear floorboard some Friday afternoon and then waited until Monday to see what happened.  Well, his boss came back on Monday and announced his wife almost skinned him alive and he never did find out who did it. 

 

[Bill Wyko]

When I was a Framer, I  had a boss that was a meth head. No one liked him. He was a real ass. He always went into the pooper at the same time each day to do his "thing". One of the guys he pissed off found this to be the apropriate time to drop a seal bomb (1/4 stick) into the vent tube of the out house while he was in  there. When he flew out covered in poop up his back, between his legs and up to his chin I thought he was going to kill everyone. I was about 50 feet from the occurance and I thought a bomb went off. I guess it did, a sh*^ bomb. That was one rotten prank but he had it coming. ;D