SittingElf
Member
- Joined
- May 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,371
....A group of regular people gather and get to their seats
ME (at podium) - "Hello, my name is Frank....and umm..and I ummm...I'm a Festoholic"
Group - "HI FRANK!"
ME - "I became addicted to the Green Koolaid in April or May 2013. I've spent money I could have used for my photography, food, son's clothes, landscaping, pool chemicals, shampoo, and other needs on my addiction to the green machines. I became aware that I was heavily addicted while spending time in Germany, where my pusher kept showing me magical machines that pulled at my very being, and forced me to secretly tap our bank accounts, credit cards, and any money I found on the ground, or could panhandle to service my increasing addiction."
Group - "We understand Frank. Continue, PLEASE"
ME - "I now know I have a terrible sickness. I'm fighting it as best I can"
Group - (All enthusiastically applaud)
ME- "I actually went almost a week without a Festool purchase, and thought I might get a Festool Anonymous chip, but I have once again succumbed, and I don't have a sponsor to guide me"
Group - "None of us have sponsors... we're too addicted, Frank... just like you are"
ME- "I thought I could resist, and I made it all the way to.... today...having resisted for a whole week... but I HAD to get the Domino 700XL with BOTH domino 700 domino assortments and the Bits while they were on sale. I just thought I would DIE if I didn't have them. Last week it was the Domino 500 and its assortment and I thought it looked too lonely without its big brother keeping it company. OMG! I need serious HELP!"
Group - "You Lucky bastard"
ME - "Now y'all don't get testy on me! I found I needed Granat abrasives for my sanders too, and Tom, the Pusher at Tool Home just HAD to offer abrasive assortments that he KNEW I couldn't resist... so I was 'forced' to order them in two different sizes to appease my addiction...and they came WITH systainers!" Ooohhhhh! [tongue]
Group - "There's an assortment?? Really??? We didn't know that!" (Three people suddenly leave the room in a hurry)
ME- "HELP ME PLEASE!!! I'm being totally obsessed with the Kapex, MFK700, OF2200, RO150, and HL850 that Pushers Peter and Sean at ToolNut (Well-known Festool Dealer Criminals wanted in three States by the FBFDI) know that are just about the LAST remaining machines missing from my addictive collection. Please....PLEASE help me resist!"
(The members of the Group have all suddenly left and are seen in the parking lot with cell-phones to their ears, speaking in excited tones to dealers unknown)
ME - (Looking disheartened and crying) "Nobody will help me...I am beaten. I cannot resist. It is completely and totally futile. I'd commit suicide, but I don't know if there are Festool products in Heaven OR down below in the fires. (well... maybe in Purgatory)." [crying]
ME -(Leaves the room dejectedly while trying to figure out where the nearest Wi-Fi location is to access the FOG)
Addictively,
Frank (Certified Festoholic)
[attachimg=#]
ME (at podium) - "Hello, my name is Frank....and umm..and I ummm...I'm a Festoholic"
Group - "HI FRANK!"
ME - "I became addicted to the Green Koolaid in April or May 2013. I've spent money I could have used for my photography, food, son's clothes, landscaping, pool chemicals, shampoo, and other needs on my addiction to the green machines. I became aware that I was heavily addicted while spending time in Germany, where my pusher kept showing me magical machines that pulled at my very being, and forced me to secretly tap our bank accounts, credit cards, and any money I found on the ground, or could panhandle to service my increasing addiction."
Group - "We understand Frank. Continue, PLEASE"
ME - "I now know I have a terrible sickness. I'm fighting it as best I can"
Group - (All enthusiastically applaud)
ME- "I actually went almost a week without a Festool purchase, and thought I might get a Festool Anonymous chip, but I have once again succumbed, and I don't have a sponsor to guide me"
Group - "None of us have sponsors... we're too addicted, Frank... just like you are"
ME- "I thought I could resist, and I made it all the way to.... today...having resisted for a whole week... but I HAD to get the Domino 700XL with BOTH domino 700 domino assortments and the Bits while they were on sale. I just thought I would DIE if I didn't have them. Last week it was the Domino 500 and its assortment and I thought it looked too lonely without its big brother keeping it company. OMG! I need serious HELP!"
Group - "You Lucky bastard"
ME - "Now y'all don't get testy on me! I found I needed Granat abrasives for my sanders too, and Tom, the Pusher at Tool Home just HAD to offer abrasive assortments that he KNEW I couldn't resist... so I was 'forced' to order them in two different sizes to appease my addiction...and they came WITH systainers!" Ooohhhhh! [tongue]
Group - "There's an assortment?? Really??? We didn't know that!" (Three people suddenly leave the room in a hurry)
ME- "HELP ME PLEASE!!! I'm being totally obsessed with the Kapex, MFK700, OF2200, RO150, and HL850 that Pushers Peter and Sean at ToolNut (Well-known Festool Dealer Criminals wanted in three States by the FBFDI) know that are just about the LAST remaining machines missing from my addictive collection. Please....PLEASE help me resist!"
(The members of the Group have all suddenly left and are seen in the parking lot with cell-phones to their ears, speaking in excited tones to dealers unknown)
ME - (Looking disheartened and crying) "Nobody will help me...I am beaten. I cannot resist. It is completely and totally futile. I'd commit suicide, but I don't know if there are Festool products in Heaven OR down below in the fires. (well... maybe in Purgatory)." [crying]
ME -(Leaves the room dejectedly while trying to figure out where the nearest Wi-Fi location is to access the FOG)
Addictively,
Frank (Certified Festoholic)
[attachimg=#]